Time can be a terrifying concept. We know that time itself is infinite – but the time allocated to human beings is finite. On the grand scale of “time”, we are here for such a short amount of it. Time has ticked on for millions of years before us and time will continue to tick on for millions of years after us. It’s one of those things I think about… and then I must force myself to stop thinking about. Like when I think about the size of the universe and how it’s constantly expanding. The concept is too difficult to comprehend so I have to stop thinking about it all together. The mind boggles.

I have a theory: we are living our lives by moments which are quantified by different “types of time.” There are loads of different types of time which exist, but I will focus on the ones that are easiest for me to talk about.

We are allocated a set amount of time on this earth and within that timeline, we live our lives as a series of events and moments which are all measured by different types of time. These types of time are so pertinent, they dictate our behaviour and our ways of thinking.

First up: “Time is of the essence.”

Hurry hurry. The urgency in this statement seems to make me want to speed up. We live by this type of time when we’ve got deadlines to meet. When we’re living under this type of time, we feel that time is running out. Some people really struggle under this type of time whereas others thrive off it. I’m somewhere in the middle. If I’ve got an exam to prepare for, I’m cramming the night before; despite my best intentions and the effort of the colour coded schedule (like Will from The Inbetweeners – except I’ve never shit myself in an exam… yet)

It’s procrastination at its finest until it’s crunch time. I do work better under pressure, but I hate myself when I’m living in this type of time, thinking “I mustn’t leave it so late next time…” Until next time comes round again of course. And the cycle continues. I’ll never learn.  Alternatively, if I’m planning a trip or a holiday, it’s meticulously planned to the nth degree – even more so since having kids. Time is never of the essence when I’m at the airport 3 hours before my flight with all the games and snacks one could imagine.

“Time is of the essence”: this type of time is always presented to us as a short, sharp burst. It’s over quickly but we encounter this type of time so often in our lives, even daily. It rules over the other types of time for so many of us on the daily grind. Rush rush rush.

Next: “time is a healer”

This type of time contradicts the above. In fact, it’s close to being the opposite of the above. This type of time is presented to us as a large quantity. There is no set time, but we know it’s going to be long and difficult. We know we’re in this type of time for the long haul. The cruel part of this type of time, is that there is no handbook which states the duration of time needed to heal.

I often think it would be so much easier if there was an allocated timeframe for everything. In the “Time’s A Healer” handbook, there would be chapters with flowcharts. Each flowchart asking a series of questions about people’s circumstances to give us a definitive answer of how much healing time is needed.

Chapter 1: Break up. Average healing time: 6-9 months. But the flow chart would factor in the length of relationship, whether the breakup was one sided or neutral etc etc. and it would then provide a personalised healing timeframe.

Chapter 2: Depressive episode. Can range from several days to several weeks to several months. The flowchart would factor in treatment, previous episodes etc. to give us a timeframe to suit each individual.

Chapter 3: Lost someone close to you. Healing time: Forever.

The “healing handbook” concept is, of course, absolutely ridiculous. But I am a person who needs to have answers. I struggle with this type of time because sometimes I can’t see a way out of it. That’s what makes this type of time so hard.

But here’s the twist: this type of time is a trick. It’s not actually the length of time that passes that heals you. It’s the self-reflection, the processing of the event and the support from those around you that heals you, not “time” by itself.

Up next: “All the time in the world.”

I love this type of time. No time restrictions whatsoever. No need to rush. Whatever the task at hand, we’ve got ages to complete it. When we live under this type of time, we are relaxed, chilled out, happy… but we’re also aware we’ve got to use this time wisely otherwise “time is of the essence” will creep in and we’re all-of-a-sudden in panic mode. We soak up this type of time when we can. This type of time is a real break from the craziness of life. It’s a welcome change. It doesn’t come as often as we’d like but when it does, it’s blissful.

Next, one of the most obvious and most talked about types of time: “Time flies”.

The full saying is, “time flies while you’re having fun” but what I’ve found is, you don’t have to be having fun for time to fly. When time is flying, you can feel every single emotion. And as a mum, you do.  It’s true that time flies at rapid speed when you have kids – your children growing, changing, evolving, happens at the blink of an eye. Every milestone my second daughter reaches, I feel like my first daughter has just met. It feels like instant deja vu.

I’m also at the stage in my life when people ask how old I am and I find myself having to think about it. And I say things like, “What year is it?” … It’s 2023… And then I can answer… “then that means I must be 33”. The joy of being born in 1990. A nice round number makes it easy to work out your age!

When I was a kid, I thought this was something that grown-ups just lied about.  There’s absolutely no way you can forget your age! But alas, you get to your 30s and you do.

And then people refer to events happening “20 years ago”, I instantly think 1983, not 2003. The older you get, the quicker time flies. This type of time makes you realise how precious time is. Time is a gift.

Let’s move on, to the little dark horse of all the types of time: “Time stands still”. And it’s a dark horse for a reason. It springs up on you when you least expect it.

“Time stands still” is quantified by singular moments we remember vividly. There is so much emotion attached to this type of time. You remember every single detail. Everything is crystal clear: whatever it is you’re focusing on, plus everything in your peripheral vision. The smells, the noises or the even the silence.

Some of the worst moments of my life have been when time has stood still.

Some of the best moments of my life have been when time has stood still.

Sometimes time stands still when you want to savour the moment. Sometimes time stands still as a coping mechanism, and it becomes a moment you want to forget. This type of time etches itself into your brain and it’s there forever.

I have a love/hate relationship with this type of time. I won’t divulge the moments to you because they’re too personal. But we all have them. At least I think we do? I bloody hope we do. Otherwise, I am instantly regretting sharing this blog with the world!!

The trickiest part of all this, is that we are constantly living through more than one type of time simultaneously. We are never operating under one type of time exclusively. For example, time may be flying by when you look at your children, but you may be overcoming trauma and in the midst of “time’s a healer” and at the same time, you may be rushing around, organising things and feeling like “time is of the essence”. It’s a complicated theory but a theory nonetheless.

Time terrifies people because we associate time with the aging process – inevitably. With time, comes age.

As time has gone on, I’ve stopped being so scared of getting older. Because each time I encounter types of time in my life, it’s a learning curve. You grow as a person during each episode. So however difficult each type of time can be, I try to embrace it. It’s all part of the process in my overall limited timeline on this planet. These tiny pieces of time add up and equate to the jigsaw of my whole life. The expression “age is a privilege denied to many” has never resonated with me more. Growing older, is indeed, a privilege. Living through these “types of time” is also a privilege because it’s these episodes that make up our lives, however challenging they may seem at the time.

The type of time I am going to end on, doesn’t need much explanation. “Having the time of your life”.

This type of time is so special. When you’re having the time of your life, you don’t realise it when you’re living it. You only realise when you look back on it. And you cherish it. And you love the feeling of it. There’s a reason why Dirty Dancing is one of the greatest films of all time: the iconic soundtrack.

I could continue with my theory of types of time we live by, but it seems apt to stop here. To end on a high – on a Dirty Dancing reference. Time (all types of it) is a precious commodity. So long yet so short, so infinite yet so limited. And it ticks on. And on. And on.